The Maanga

Mayawati was in Madras yesterday.

She stayed at the Taj Connemara and caused a traffic jam on Mount Road. For which she can be forgiven. Then she addressed a rally. Claimed she would replicate the UP model in TN. And exhorted voters in Madras to be wary of the BJP and Congress.

Was she not supposed to be an astute politician?

Pakistan today was stunned when India fired its boring Foreign Minister, Pranab Mukherjee. The country’s President, Prathiba Patil, will now swear in a team of idiot bloggers from 2003 to head the Ministry.

The Prime Minister’s Office, in a tweet, said India had more than adequate resources to meet self important morons of the Pakistani establishment. “We are fully prepared to defend ourselves from the dumbfuckery of the Pakis. In fact, not just that, we can annihilate them in this — a fitting reply to Mumbai will be when the Muslem motherfuckers blush” said the Prime Minister’s spokesperson, a new recruit herself. She also emphasized, their new Pak philosophy was simple: Words are spoken, not action.

1. Shallowness has been Maanga’s founding principle. It was brilliant when the proponents were plotting an irrelevant coup at the back benches and were 18. It matured into an art form that unfailingly dismissed what has been — especially, that have been well. Ten years later, the founding member on one Sunday struggled to dismiss Orhan Pamuk with contempt despite having made himself familiar; only just. Life expectancy should be 27.
2. C Ganapathy, the Tamil Nadu medium pacer, was at the gym this morning. Having finished a match against Railways only yesterday. When asked if he picked up any wickets after going wicket-less for a long time on Saturday, he replied saying he scored a half century.  A sad indictment of the state of affairs at Chepauk.
3. Mayawati is coming to Madras! Someone in her strategy team must tell her a basic truth about Tamil Nadu: Language > Caste. Especially when those of a certain caste don’t understand what the leader is saying.
4. A free color TV, flood relief, drought relief and farm loan waiver. There are lesser and lesser reasons to be indifferent to the idea of a nation state. It’s no longer about breaking even with Income Tax, it’s profit over and above.
5. The annual rate of inflation will probably get close to 0% by summer; the annual growth rate still about 7% . Now, are the dumbfucks going to campaign for the Congress?

I am in a phase where I think writing fiction is what the talented do; the reasonable read them. And, idiots write opinion pieces or analyses. While the silent majority tries to be funny; making it not so silent and hence a minority. Which explains why this blog is dead. Or, should be.

Or, why this Arnab person is truly funny.

Luis Buñuel, more than anyone else, should have a retrospective in India. In two of his films, “The phantom of liberty” and “The discreet charm of the bourgeoisie”, he explores how the bourgeoisie keeps trying to the things that it is used to, like getting a meal at a nice restaurant, all the while being interrupted by the death of the restaurant owner, a private militia, some terrorist attacks. “Phantom of liberty” even has a man in a skyscraper shooting people at random, going to court, and being released without any charge to media glory.  As Buñuel said, there is nothing more surreal than a man with a gun, shooting people at random.

Or, we could have endless screenings of Godard´s weekend. When the bourgeoisie are being kidnapped by a bunch of cannibals, they scream, “This is horrifying”. One of their captors replies, “The horror of the bourgeoisie can only be met with more horror”.

Better yet, endless readings of Jean Baudrillard. If I remember right, he congratulated the 9/11 terrorists for releasing millions of enslaved office workers from their steel and glass sarcophagi.

India is a third world country. There are about 1 billion people whose lives cost nothing. Even the Americans with their cruise missiles and nukes will take a while to kill all the motherfuckers bred here. Now, a couple of camel ass terrorists with grenades, AK-47s and, at best, RDX, are a threat to India? Let me explain something to you, dear terrorists and bourgeois bitches: it costs way more to train and equip the Kasabs of this world than the total cost of lives he will eventually claim in this country. Here, terrorism is an unviable technique for the terrorist — that is the reason why India works or Congress wins.

Moral of the Story: go back to sipping that latte, South Bombay bitch. And shut up, grown man.

And, where the fuck is Burn After Reading?

And yes, the fucktard who thought the greatest scene in Cinematic history was to excuse a racially charged scene of unapologetic malevolence did not get it this time either.

So, I have been offered a book deal. Yet another book on the current financial crisis. How many of you think I should do this, and stop haunting this blog?

Today’s Guess the Genre of Writing contest comes from Ravikiran Rao. Is this tragedy or comedy or travel writing? The correct answer gets a personalized I am Sriram.

Sriram, the profoundest person known to mankind, is correct.

Therefore, this blog is forced to admit its alibi.