Why Davis Cup sucks..


Tennis is an individual sport and the challenge of playing tennis professionally is to handle poor form, bad line calls, crowd’s antagonism and Hawkeye alone on the court.

What Davis cup brings to this equation is rigged courts, heavily skewed support, a coach who can easily be mistaken for a survivor series captain and when the home team wins (most likely, unless it sucks badly) the players can feel patriotic and display team spirit which is alien to the game itself. In reality, all they managed to do was waste people’s time and money playing five glorified exhibition matches that decides the winner according to who sucked less on a given day. Just like the test series in cricket that happens around the world. They are all rigged heavily in favour of the home team.

I don’t even understand how coaches in Davis cup matches sit on the side of the court and still be able to offer unsolicited advice to the players during a game. What can they possibly observe from the game sitting there?

That brings the focus to Rod-dick, who fresh off his customary double penetration from Federer and Ferrer announced that winning a Davis Cup was his dream. By teaming up with a ‘fellow Federer bitch’, James Blake, the dick/prick hopes to make heavy weather of favourable conditions to win this pointless cup and harbour delusions of being successors to the legend of Sampras and Agassi when they won it last in 95.

There should, however, be no doubt as to where my loyalties lie in the Davis cup final that starts this friday. Russian women are infinitely hotter and poorer that makes my chance to land a hot blonde girlfriend that much greater. Besides, Russian tennis players are way better than the ones that come out of the shithole called USA.

For all my antagonism towards Davis cup, I am for this recently blossoming travesty that calls itself the Hopman Cup. For one, it gives an inside view of who in the ATP is sleeping with in the WTA. Richard Gasquet probably with Tatiana Golovin, who is not a stunner by any definition but definitely way hotter than the disgusting Mirka that Federer flaunts around. Hopefully Gasquet will only get better from here.

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